Graduation Hilarity

Now that we’ve gotten that sentimental nonsense out of the way with regard to graduation, we can get down to brass tacks: the funny things that happened during and after the ceremony.

During the Ceremony

Per the requirements of high school graduation handbook (circa 1954) there must be a panel of “honored guests” who sit on the stage wondering how on earth they got roped into attending yet another graduation. Perhaps the Mayor was having this very thought when our beloved female 26 year-old college counselor said to him, “Can you move?” Confused, perhaps because he was addressed in the same manor as someone blocking a fire extinguisher or because he was roused from his dream about playing golf, he responded with a grunt and by sliding his chair over about 6 inches.

As one female student was walking up to receive her diploma, awash in cheers and applause, a guy stood on a chair and yelled, “Cut it out, she has a man!”

A male student from my chemistry class was graduating (by the grace of some higher power). A teacher sitting by me turns and says, “Can we booo him?” My response, “His parents are sitting behind us.” Oops.

The After Party

I called my mom to tell her about the after party and literally the first thing she said to me was, “did you drink alcohol?” “um, yes, mom I did…” “Oh thank the lord!” So on that note, here are some of the fine quotes from our post-graduation party.

Every teacher and almost every student has a nickname given to him/her by our dean of discipline (mine is Front Line: not because I prevent ticks and fleas, but because I had the toughest group of kids in the entire school). So the Gap Model (so named by the students because he is very skinny, has a mop of brown hair and wears square, black rimmed glasses) had been at the bar for about 15 minutes when our headmaster walked in. Everyone is applauding her for the evening’s success when the Gap Model yells, “whhaaooo, Body Shots baby!”

Later in the evening the Gap Model walks past an English teacher and her boyfriend. As he is passing the picture perfect couple is says, “Now isn’t he a tall drink of water.” Of note may be that the Gap Model was married to a young woman this past August. You don’t really have to wonder who wears the pants in that marriage…

I was having a conversation with the dean of discipline and this is what said to me:
“You are low maintenance pretending to be high maintenance.”